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Saturday, November 30, 2013

Don't Hang Up!



I hope Santa Claus brings me that soda-making machine for Christmas.  I always try to put some new technology on my holiday list in efforts to stay current.  We live in a space age world. If I want to continue drinking my favorite beverages, I need to keep up with the times.  In the not so distant future, this privilege could be taken from us. We may be forced to hydrate differently.  You think I'm joking around.  I'm not.  Well maybe I am, but only a little.

Last year, St. Nick brought me a fancy cell phone.  It was purple, and I love purple.  My old telephone was really great, but I can't live in the past.  This new one is black, which is visually unimpressive.  Still, I've made considerable progress figuring out how to use this subtle, yet fascinating device.  It's eleven months later, and I make calls pretty confidently now.  Sometimes, I turn the "Talking Lady" feature on, by accident.  I think you're supposed to use this option when you're driving, but I love it all the time!  It's like having a kindly robot secretary.

If someday you decide to get a phone like mine, remember to slide your finger across the face of the equipment in response to the music.  My natural reflex is to bang on things repeatedly when I want something to happen.  It's so weird to do things this other quiet way.

Daniel, the young technician at the Verizon store, told me that I have one of the finest communication gadgets in all the land!  He said that I can watch a movie on my phone if I want.  And play games.  He helped me transfer my contact information, which was very nice of him.  Daniel has over 400 contacts in his phone.  He has friends and family all over the country!  And when he's not working, he is communicating with them constantly.  I wanted to ask him if he ever planned on moving out of his parents' basement, but something deep inside told me that I already knew the answer.

With all those friends, you'd think Daniel would have been more chatty.  Maybe he was just exhausted from all the conversations he's been having. I waited patiently as he applied my screen protector with the precision of a Swiss jeweler. I was never so bored in all my life. I looked around for something to watch or do. There was nothing - in a room filled with nothingness. He already had my phone, so that wasn't even an option. I stared at a toddler for a few minutes, and he stared back until he became uncomfortable. Man, if I was him, I'd head straight for that display rack of car chargers and adapters. I'd knock everything off those two shelves by the window. I'd run around until I hit my head on the pointy edge of the counter. At least then, I could crawl back into my stroller and cry myself to sleep.

I peppered Danny Boy with questions to help pass the time:

Are you gonna eat lunch at your desk, or do they make you go to your car?
Have any girls ever worked here?
Can me and Dave use your bathroom?
What'd you get your mom for Christmas?

Thank God we were there on a slow day.  During peak mobile communication season, Daniel told me there'd be fifteen people waiting outside when the doors opened.  Like the saddest concert you've ever attended.  I know phones are important, but that's really depressing.  I'd rather wait on the longest Starbucks line in history.  At least, you get to drink something with whipped cream when you get to the counter.

When it was finally time to leave, Daniel gave me a flyer for a class called Phone School.  He told me I could come back if I feel like it.  He didn't act like he cared if I did or not.  For $65.00, I could learn all about apps, whatever they are.  He made them sound stupid, but maybe it was just his attitude.

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